February 1, 2011

I am now 55 wow

I turned 55 Monday and it feels strange for many reasons. One reason for sure is that I never thought I would live this long. I knew that I was becoming healthier since 2006 and I knew I had become accepting of those things I could not change about me.

I’m glad that now I understand and am grateful for something a doctor said years ago He said I would never be my age. then it hurt like hell now I am glad. I do not feel old.

What I feel is a gratefulness that I did not kill myself the times I tried.I am glad that I have change some of behaviors that I could change and acceptance for things I cannot change no matter how hard I have tried through the years.

I have learned that having expectations of people only hurt the relationship. I have learned that friendship is really two ways ,you cannot have a friend who is not a friend back. I learned that sometimes I have to do the opposite of what my feelings are saying. I have learned that people really do like me and I need to believe that that it is ok to trust some people. I learned that I have important things to say, I do have wisdom and it is really ok to even say that.

I know that some people have learned this stuff growing up I guess if I had then some problems would not of happened but they did happen and I have and am learning what I need to know from past years.

For this coming year, These are my hopes. I hope that I can get off a med or two. I hope that I can stop some of the services I have because I do not need the extra supports I have in my life now (didn’t have them for 30 some years). Travel. Will have lost some weight. See my son. Have some speaking engagements. Just many things  Have 4 close friends. Will do things to have fun even if it means by my self.    One Day At a Time and Breath 

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