Nancy's world

Do not understand -please do not judge this on spelling or any other writing rules thanks

I cannot sleep so I need to type write or something.

I have decided to get off my meds why? why not? The people who question me being off of them have not lived my life, or they do not understand what the meds do that is no fun.  They see the benefit in terms of how it saves them from having to worry about me. Right now iI do not give a shit what they think. I mean i do care because I care about them, but they do not live in this body. I do and I am tired of taking a pill.

I need to let some people know that I think what is happening is wrong, and ask them to give me understanding to why it is happening. What makes what is happening right in their eyes. I need to bring a perspective to some things that are happening that maybe others do not see or have even considered.

I know whomever reads this is going to say maybe because of what I have typed I do need to be on a med, or it does not make sense to them, well maybe I will soon make it make sense.

I am tired of people getting away with the same shit that put them in prison to begin with. I am tired that the people who put them in prison let them continue to do the same shit. More important I wish I did not give a shit anymore but I do.

I am tired of the mental health system saying they believe in Recovery. Yet will not let the people they help to know they have a choice, no strings attach. I am wanting the system to say they are the ones who contribute to learned helplessness, and other dependency, and then not get mad at the consumer for not believing that they can do anything or put them in the hospital because they(consumer) wants the system to fix it for them and the worker gets burned out. Maybe the worker needs to admit that is the real reason why the person went to the hospital so they can get a break.

I want the system to ask “What happen to you?” instead of “What is wrong with you”?  I want when a consumer questions something with their treatment it is not called not being in compliance

I want the consumer to be called a survivor. Consumer is like we ask for this or we went to the store and bought it. We have survived the stigma, side effects, and symptoms of the “mental illness”. How much of it could just be due to some kind of trauma that we went through, and instead of being able to deal with that in a safe place ,we were told we have a illness, given meds, our behavior was not accepted as a cry for someone to hear us so we were lock up in wards, having horrible side-effects from the meds that they said would help us. We were branded a mental patient; we were told what our lives would consist of. We were told that they would help us and then they abuse neglected and explored us. Did they mean for this to happen? No they are caring people they got in this profession to care for those who struggle with what they call a chemical imbalance, they need to diagnosis  so they can treat. Why not call it what it is more than not some sort of trauma big or small that we do not know how to deal with and no one will listen.

I want to have emotions like everyone else and not take a med because I do. I have learned a lot about how to share a need or a whatever without “acting out” but if I did and I was told I did that so I would get attention why is that wrong why not give me the attention. And not lock me up.

I hope that someday that the mental health system will really hear us who have been there, done it, lived through it, know it, on what works,and what does not work.How we can help our fellow peers as much as the mental health system think they do, if not ,that we can bridge the gap  we have walked in shoes the mental health system has not so let us have a real voice that causes change and healing instead of more trauma.